You’re Gonna Miss This…

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As I was driving to work the other day on a Saturday, missing two sons baseball game and picture day, the song “You’re Gonna Miss This” by Trace Adkins came on my Pandora. For those of you who aren’t country fans, this song is about enjoying the stage in life you’re in, even though it may seem hard at the time. Because when you look back you won’t remember the hard times, you only remember the joy of what was going on at that time in your life. He talks about the teenager wanting to be older and able to make her own decisions and have her own money, a newly married woman wanting a bigger and nicer house, and a new Mom with little kids, struggling to get through the day and keep life together.

I ALWAYS {as in every.single.time} cry when I hear the song and tears are running down my face as I write this now. {Thanks Trace!} This song speaks to the heart of living in the now. About enjoying life for what it is and seeing life for the amazing blessings you have in each stage of life. I can’t believe my oldest is seven. How did this happen? I can vividly remember the day I gave birth to her. Tiny tiny 5 1/2 pound body.  And I can remember like it was yesterday the day I found out I was pregnant with my second, something we didn’t know if it would happen because we struggled so much to have our first. I also remember the general struggle to get through the days- some days with three kids age 3 and under at home, and me working part time to help with the finances.

But I don’t remember the specifics.

What I do remember is their tiny bodies and the way they smelled and the way that I was the one who could heal and comfort away anything, anything at all. I remember the way the tiny bodies slept on me, crunched down with their heads resting on my chest. The ultimate expression of love for any animal or human is to fall asleep on you. Its the ultimate expression of trust and comfort.

My kids now are still not that old. They’re almost 4, one just turned six and the other one I mentioned, my first, is 7 1/2. Life in general is so much easier than it was when they were all little. But now we have different challenges. School and navigating the ever-changing friendship alliances, starting team sports and finding out how to be a gracious winner and loser, and the struggle to drop naps completely {ok, that’s partly MY struggle. I really like my naps. Ha!}

We’ve entered the time where they can do so many more things for themselves but not not everything, and sometimes the frustration starts because they want to be independent and can’t. We ventured into busyness with all of their activities. Girl Scouts. Boy Scouts. Soccer. Baseball. I love watching them play, learning new skills and and having fun.

All of them still generally need me in ways they won’t in just a few years. It’s not just need me to help make lunches, or get them ready for school, or help them with something that may be hard. They still need me to help them with their emotions-comfort them when they’re sad or hurt or overwhelmed. And I’m gonna to miss this. Just like the song says.

The time is close when my daughter won’t want to go get her nails done with me anymore because she’ll be a teenager and think that I’m LAME. And I think, “Ill never be lame. I’m sooo much cooler than my Mom was”. But then my rational brain disagrees and reminds me that pretty much all Moms become lame at some point for some amount of time. Its normal and natural and then someday again after that I will again be seen as someone ok to hang out with.

My kids all still take baths together at night and they all sleep together. My daughter likes to sleep with the boys in their room in their bunk bed. Two kids in one twin bed and one kid in the other twin bunk bed. My daughter says she’s lonely and scared when she’s all by herself. And so we let them sleep like that, even on school nights. Because some day soon, she’ll want to sleep in her own room in her own bed without her brothers. Because she’s decided she’s BIG and needs her space. And their fun nightly sleepovers will be done. Just like that.

We lay with them at night as they fall asleep and its not too long before this too is gone. I love their tiny bodies next to mine, and I love it when my four-year-old whispers to me every single night as he’s falling asleep “I love you mommy”. I know the next stage of life when they’re teenagers, and we get to see who they really are and see them grow into themselves will be awesome too {even though I know the teenage years sometimes are hard}. And then off to school they will go before I even realize it, and living on their own. And my house will be quiet and empty {and probably clean}. But I wont care about the clean, because it’ll be empty, and I’ll be longing for messy floors and the shouts of small kids in the living room.

And then they’ll be onto their adult lives. And at that point they won’t really need me very much at all, except sporadically here and there. And that’s life. It’s a journey, and sometimes it’s hard to see the present as a time you will miss and long for. Especially when you’re in the thick of it, juggling work and kids and family and spouse.

Before I had my first, a friend told me something that I hold onto on hard days. “The days may be long but the years go by quick.” And this is true. So true. I’m gonna miss these crazy days of little kids and dirty floors and finding marker messages written behind the bathroom door that someone named Not Me did. So I’m going to enjoy this time in my life and be grateful that I have the kind of job as a nurse that I can work around my family schedule to not miss very many baseball games or Girl Scout outings. And time to make more of those memories that I’ll long for in the years to come.


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